Who Am I? How Did I Get Here? Part III The Surgery

My mother came into town the day before surgery. Now, I have mixed feelings about this. A part of me wishes she would not have come with us to the surgery, and another part thinks she is right that my husband needed the support. My husband, it seems, did not expect to get news at the surgery.

Yes, my husband did not realize what DIAGNOSTIC SURGERY meant.

So, that morning, we had to be up at 3:00 AM to get to the hospital at 5:30 AM. The RE had fit me in due to the delay. Those of you familiar with fertility related laparascopy realize that it must happen during a particular set of time - after you bleed, but before you ovulate. I ovulate on the early side. We were not awake.

A little prehistory:

I had had trouble getting in to get my pregnancy blood test - yeah, infertility treatment and you have to prove you aren't pregnant. Problem was, I went to one of their centers with my order dated January 2006. Yep, the kind of thing that happens to all of us. From the previous posts, you can probably tell I was somewhat discombobulated and hadn't noticed this. It was the Saturday before the Tuesday I was to have my surgery. The computer system was down. The girl at the desk did not think to call. I was in no shape to think of this.

So, Monday morning rolls around and I call the office - they have me rush over to get the blood work done. I get there, they draw the blood.

The lab never reported the blood work. I had to try to pee to do a pregnancy test. I had not drunk anything since midnight the night before. There was nothing in my bladder. All things considered, the doctor believed me and my husband that between ER and doctor visits we hadn't managed to have s.ex for the entire month. (Trust me, you do not want sex right after anaphylaxis. It just ain't gonna happen.)

So, then the anesthesiologists asks if I have any allergies. To save time the RE hands her a copy of the printout I gave him at our first appointment. At least she knew enough to say: "Corn is in everything." And, yes, it is. There is exactly one type of saline solution delivery method that does not contain a corn derivative available in the USA.

Lucky for me, I'm not sensitive to some of the derivatives. Can't be anywhere popcorn is even cooking, but I can tolerate small amounts of cornstarch and certain derivatives when necessary - but not corn oil. I think it has to do with the specific chemical treatment to create these items.

So, soon, I don't remember much of anything. I do remember going into the operating theatre - helping in getting (fat) me onto the operating table - and then, not much until the doctor was talking to me.

The whole of what I remember of our conversation that day:

Doctor: "I had forgotten about your pneumonia."
Me: "Huh?"
Doctor said something about being a member of some group that I recognized
seeing him associated with on Google and that they were having a meeting.
Me answering that I knew about that - meaning the group.

Now, my next memory is of my husband saying we are doing IVF. I remember getting home - sort of. And sleeping.

My husband seemed to think I would remember the conversations of the previous day since it seemed I was coherent during the conversations. He got mad at me when I started to ask him what the doctor had said. He kept saying that I was acting really coherent questions. Thing is, I don't remember him being there. The doctor had told him point blank that I wouldn't remember much due to the anesthesia in my system.

I was terribly hurt by his anger.

Finally, he went over the diagnosis with me. Bilateral hydrosalpinx with lesions - no fimbrae found. Fimbrae are the fingers that catch the egg and send it down the fallopian tubes to the uterus - on the way they meet sperm. Except, in me that was impossible. A hydrosalpinx destroys all the cilia along the path and cuts off the egg and sperm from one another. There was never any way we could get pregnant without IVF.

When I googled it, at first all that came up was C. trichomatotis. I had never had the STD version of chlamydia and never engaged in high risk behavior from what I knew. I started searching for other reasons for bilateral hydrosalpinx:

Strep infections that migrate through the body
Almost any pneumonia
Any disease of the bowel/appendix/intestines

I was numb, and angry. But, because I couldn't hurt anyone around me - the sick are not supposed to be an inconvenience to the well, after all, I said nothing. But inside I railed.

In my childhood, my menarche came early and exceedingly painful. I would pass out from the pain. I always had diarrhea with my oncoming period. This did stop once I was diagnosed with allergies - no thanks to my pediatrician - at 20. The damage was probably already done. No one ever referred me to the appropriate specialists until I demanded it - but I didn't realize that I should have seen a Gyn since I was not sexually active at all until I was 27. The only thing I was ever told was how horrible the experience is. Never how important it was.

It seems that the doctor hypothesized that the injuries looked old - as in childhood disease old. Until my mother, who was there, started to freak out. I think he had to spend more time calming down my mother and husband than I would have liked.

Like I said before, I'm an analyst, I wanted to know more. I searched and became appalled. Almost all research after about 1940 (last study I found) was around STDs. Then I found a case study from the late 1980s / early 1990s. It seemed that a number of young girls in Spain who went in for appendectomies were found to have hydrosalpinxes from Pelvic Inflammatory Disease most likely caused by streptococcus infection. I ran across a study about the zoonotic nature of Chlamydia Psittaccae - from which C. Pneumoccocus had been isolated - indicating PID infection in those women who were exposed. It was a later study. The doctors from before would have had no way to know about the pneumonia factor. I did get asthma out of it, though.

By the way, I do not blame the allergist or pulmonologist for the effects of the treatment that gave me asthma - or even this to deal with (tubal factor could have been there before, even) - I had to breathe. If you don't breathe, you will die. And I value my own life. I am angry at the pediatrician and my mother because my illnesses were never taken as seriously as my brother's and I may have paid for it with my fertility.

It was always assumed that I couldn't possibly be sick. I must be faking it. Even my grandmother admonished my mother that I shouldn't be in as much pain as I was, but no one helped me. No one. My brother so much as stubbed his toe, off he went to emergency. Yes, I am bitter. No, I don't bring it up to my mother. Or my father. They wouldn't recognize that, yes, it is the fact that they ignored how sick I was that may very well have led to this.

I learned a long time ago - at age 20 - that the only one who would ever look out for me regarding my health was me. My parents and brother totally ignored my requests not to cook things that caused me to react. I remember falling down in pain from beans and corn being cooked and no one coming to help. It is a wonder I lived as long as I did.

I know parents are just human - and often stupid. I'm pretty sure that my pediatrician catered to the idea that I was just faking since at this point, I'm pretty sure she wasn't all that competent to deal with me.

So, why do I go on about this? If you have a daughter who is in pain from her period, make sure the doctor checks her. You could save her a lot of pain. It isn't always endometriosis that causes pain.

So, there I was with a diagnosis that precludes any way to get pregnant other than IVF - no IUI. And since, IVM is not really available in the USA yet, no IVM - or other newer technology.

What's next? The treatment cycles start.